


Thank You

by Laniskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Blood and Gore, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, I'm running out of tags, IDK WHAT TO PUT, M/M, Mentioned Han Jisung | Han, RIP, Sad Ending, Violence, established changlix, first fanfic, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:22:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16458992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laniskz/pseuds/Laniskz
Summary: When the world ended, they thought they could survive. They believed that with each other, everything would be okay. But they were never more wrong in their lives.





	Thank You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first ever fanfic, so please don't judge too hard. Hopefully it'll be good enough to make you emotional.

The dream that Felix and Changbin could stay here forever and be safe, was shattered when the reality hit in. Food. They needed more food if they even wanted to attempt to survive. “Binnie what do we do?” Felix said quietly to the older boy, fear running through his veins as he stood near Changbin, a frown resting on his lips. Felix knew what they needed to do, but he hoped Changbin would have some kind of other plan. 

 

Changbin looked into the younger boy’s eyes and didn’t know what to tell him. He knew they were going to have to go out and find food together, despite wanting to keep Felix safe. If he were to go alone, he might never come back and Felix would be left to fend for himself. No matter what happened he would be putting the boy in danger and he absolutely hated that. Changbin pulled the taller boy into a hug and held him close, deep down knowing this could be one of their last moments together. “Well Lixie, it’s obvious we’re running out of food... so we’re gonna need to go find some more.” He tries to say in a strong voice to not show his fear to Felix. “We’ll need to find some weapons to protect ourselves, just in case.” He cups Felix’s cheek and smiles softly at him. “I’ll do everything I can to protect you Lix.” He says and presses a gentle kiss to the younger’s lips.  

 

Felix calmed down a little at this and nods his head, reaching up to place his hand over Changbin’s. “Okay. When do we go?” He asks. Felix wasn’t so much terrified of leaving this place, but more scared of the fact that one of them could die. The thought of losing Changbin made something inside him snap, causing him to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to live his life without Changbin by his side. 

 

Changbin looks over at the food they’d collected, assessing how many days they had left. “It’s probably best to go tomorrow.” He turns back to face Felix, taking in his features for a moment. No matter how many times he looks at Felix, the boy always seems to get more and more beautiful. It takes Changbin’s breath away. The freckles across the youngers cheeks and nose are probably his favorite part of him, almost making him look ethereal.  

 

Felix feels his cheeks heating up a bit as Changbin stares at him, taking the older boy’s hand and leading them to the bedroom. He sits in the middle of the bed and gestures for the older to get in with him, a small smile on his lips. “We should sleep so we have energy for tomorrow.” He says, but really, he just wanted to lie with Changbin one more time, in case it was the last. They lied on the bed together, Felix half on top of Changbin with the older boy’s arms around his waist. He could feel Changbin’s heart beating in his chest, and he couldn’t help but wonder just how much longer their hearts would continue beating. A day? A month? A year? Longer? Felix immediately dismissed the thought and focused on what he had now. He had Changbin, and that was all he needed. 

 

__________________________ 

 

The next morning, Felix woke up with a jolt, his heart racing as the images of his nightmare were still flashing in his head.  _There was so much blood, but none of it was his own. He’d lost count of the amount of undead he’d_ _already beheaded, i_ _t_ _was like second nature to him now._ _But then_ _he came_ _face to face with_ _Changbin_ _, but this was not the boy he knew. Infact this was not a boy at all anymore. With blood dripping down_ _Changbin’s_ _chin, and eyes as grey and dull as death itself, he knew it was over._ _Changbin_ _was gone._  Felix tried to hold back the tears but his body failed him, a couple rolling down his cheeks as he hugged the older, very much alive, boy tighter. 

 

Changbin woke up as he felt arms tightening around him. He looked down at Felix and noticed the boy crying, immediately sitting up a little to cup his cheeks in his hands, making Felix look at him. “Lixie what’s wrong?” He asks softly, afraid of upsetting him even more. He gently wipes the tears away from the younger’s cheeks with his thumb. “Bad dream” Was all Felix said, and Changbin didn’t push to ask what it was about. “It was just a dream, you’re okay.” He tries to comfort him a bit. The two stay like that for a while, until Felix had calmed down, before they get up and ready for the day.  

 

__________________________ 

 

With a backpack, a gun and a machete each, the two boys leave the apartment in search of food. “Make sure you don’t use the gun unless absolutely necessary. The sound will attract more of them.” Changbin says to Felix when they reach the exit of the building. Changbin pushes open the door and scans the area quickly, before motioning to the younger to follow. They slowly make their way down the street that was once filled with life, and now looked completely deserted, bodies alert for any signs of movement. They make it to the nearest convenience store with ease, and quietly slip inside. They are met with empty shelves, nothing but rubbish surrounding them. Changbin thinks maybe there are other survivors out there, or maybe there were. He knows that even if there were people still alive, there wouldn’t be many left now.  

 

Felix walks around the store a little, trying to calm his nerves while also looking for any random packets of food. He only finds one packet of instant ramen, but puts it inside his backpack anyway. “Lix, we have to keep going. Find somewhere else.” He hears Changbin say from the other side of the shop, and looks up at him, walking back to where he was. They exit the shop and continue walking, checking every corner to make sure it was safe. Felix found it odd how there were no undead, but decided not to speak up about it. It was at the next corner where Changbin pushed the younger back after checking. “The store is just down that road, but there are three of them outside it.” He says and Felix tenses up a little. “Then let’s kill them.” He says, voice void of emotion. He holds the machete firmly with both hands, the gun in his belt, and steps around the corner, Changbin following him. 

 

Changbin doesn’t say anything when he sees Felix’s hand shaking while holding the weapon, only followed him out to the street, checking behind them to make sure nothing was following. Once they are close enough to the undead, they can take in their appearance. They almost look like ordinary people, except their skin is deathly pale, with some parts falling off and their eyes are a shade of grey. But the worst part is how awful they smell, like rotting flesh. Changbin can smell it from where he stands meters away from them. Felix is the first one to move, and Changbin is slightly surprised, but quickly gets up and follows. The younger runs straight to the nearest one and with one swing of his machete, watches the head roll away from the body. Changbin would almost think Felix had done this before.  

 

When the other two undead finally notice them, they charge immediately, mouths hanging open and making god awful sounds. Changbin swings his machete at the nearest one’s leg, cutting it clean in half, stopping it in its tracks. He watches it fall before he focuses on the other undead near him. Out the corner of his eye, he sees Felix disappearing into the shop, distracting him for a moment as the creature launches at him. He stumbles backwards, making sure to keep his body out of reach as to not be bitten. He swings the machete at the undead that launched at him, wedging it into its side, and kicking the creature back, making the machete come loose. He swings it once again and slices straight through its neck. He closes his eyes and hears a gargle to his side, turning to see the legless undead pathetically trying to drag itself towards him. Changbin sighs and brings the weapon down one last time, ending the noises and filling the area with silence. 

 

Felix had noticed there was an undead in the store, so he left the other two to Changbin and went straight inside. He opened the door slowly, moving as quietly as he could towards the creature that had its back to him. Once in range, he lifted the machete and was about to swing it when the undead turned around. Felix’s entire body froze as he looked into the dead eyes of the boy he once knew. “J-Jisung?” He says apprehensively, lowering the weapon a little, which was his biggest mistake. As soon as he spoke, the creature that looked like his friend lunged towards him. Felix let out a shout and fell backwards, his machete falling out of arms reach. The undead grabbed ahold of his leg, and dragged him towards it. Felix desperately kicked at its arms, trying not to look at his once friend now undead. He couldn’t stop the tears falling down his cheeks as he fumbled for his gun. 

 

__________________________ 

 

Felix was sleeping in the bedroom and Changbin sat in the living room. He felt vulnerable. Today they had been so close to death, and not only that, an old friend of theirs whom they hoped was still alive somewhere, turned out to be one of the undead attacking them. He held his head in his hands as images ran through his mind. 

 

_Changbin_ _heard a gunshot and rushed straight to the store, pushing the door open and frantically looking around for Felix. He heard a sob and ran towards the sound, only to find Felix curled up in a ball with an undead by his feet, the gun still in his shaking hand. “Felix?_ _Wha_ _-”_ _Changbin_ _cut himself off as he looked closely at the now dead creature at the youngers feet,_ _noticing something familiar about it. Upon closer inspection, it was obvious who it once was. “He’s in a better place now Lix, you put him out of his misery. I'm sure_ _he’s_ _grateful.”_  

 

When collecting food and even the entire way home, Felix didn’t speak a word. Changbin was worried, but he also knew the younger needed his space. Felix went straight to bed when home and Changbin was left to sort out the food.  

 

Felix lied in bed, his entire body numb. There was no way he could sleep with what happened today. He couldn’t stop the memories from flowing through his head. He was so unprepared for facing someone he once knew, as an undead, he thinks no one would have been ready for something like that. His thoughts wander back to his nightmare about Changbin, and he knows he’d never be able to kill him. A tear falls from his eye and he shakes his head, not wanting to think about this. Jisung was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. Eventually he passed out due to exhaustion. 

 

_Jisung_ _,_ _Changbin_ _and Felix were out at a soccer field. The boys enjoyed spending their days outside being active, and soccer happened to be one of their_ _favorite_ _things to do. They would kick the ball around for hours, seeing how many times they could keep_ _it up without it touching the ground, kicking goals from random distances and even playing one on one in turns. They were all smiles and laughter, if only_ _it_ _could have lasted. Felix didn’t know it yet, but this was the last time he’d ever see_ _Jisung_ _alive._ _Jisung_ _waved his hand towards the two other boys, turning away and heading in the direction of his home. Felix watched his silhouette disappear into the distance. If only he’d invited him to stay that night like he had_ _Changbin_ _._  

 

After finishing sorting out all the food the boys had collected, Changbin made his way to the bedroom. He opened the door quietly incase Felix was sleeping, and was quite relieved to notice he was. Felix had always been that little bit closer to Jisung than he himself had, so he could only imagine the pain he felt was ten times worse for Felix. He could only hope the other would mentally recover from something this harsh. Changbin gently slipped into the bed next to the younger boy, pulling the covers up over them and allowing sleep to take over his exhausted body. 

 

__________________________ 

 

The next morning, Felix woke up covered in sweat. He groaned and threw the covers off his body, attempting to get out of bed only for his legs to fail him for a moment, causing him to fall to his knees. He hoped the slight bang didn’t wake Changbin, and with a quick glance to the bed, realised he was safe. Giving himself a moment to catch his breath, Felix pushed himself to his feet, slowly making his way towards the bathroom. He closed and locked the door, turning to the shower and turning it on hot. Despite his body sweating like crazy, he found himself to be quite cold. He looked into the mirror and noticed he was looking a bit pale, his emotions starting to overwhelm him. He shook his head, before peeling his clothes from his sweaty skin. He was taking his pants off when a tear rolled down his cheek. He was already this weak? 

 

Changbin’s eyes slowly blinked open, quickly noticing that Felix’s side of the bed was cold. He sat up and stepped out of bed, stretching his arms above his head and calming down a bit once he heard the shower running. He ran a hand through his messy bed hair, looking for some clothes to wear for the day. He wondered if Felix was okay, and considered knocking on the door when the shower turned off. Changbin let out a yawn and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for the younger to exit the bathroom. When the door creaked open, he looked up to see Felix walking out. He noticed something seemed off about the boy, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “Lix, you okay?” He questions as he walks towards the bathroom. “Yea I'm fine.” Is the response he receives, thinking the boy is still upset about Jisung he leaves him be and goes to take a shower of his own. 

 

Felix tries his best to look okay when leaving the bathroom, but he knew his façade wouldn’t last long. Already, Changbin is questioning him, and Felix knows he’s going to have to do a lot better than this. So, while Changbin showers, Felix finds the make-up he used to use, and puts some foundation on, an effort to cover up his pale skin. He knows it’s only going to get worse, but he feels the longer he hides it, the less real it seems. Yet if Changbin were to lift the bottom of his pants above his knee, he would see the bite mark on the side of Felix’s calf. A bite that can’t be undone. A bite that will be the end of Felix. 

 

_Felix_ _let out a shout and fell backwards, his machete falling out of arms reach. The undead grabbed ahold of his leg, and dragged him towards it. Felix desperately kicked at its arms, trying not to look at his once friend now undead. He couldn’t stop the tears falling down his cheeks as he fumbled for his gun._ _Thought it was all_ _in vein. The moment he pulled the gun free, he stopped moving his leg, and the undead took that opportunity to sink its teeth into his skin. Felix let out a cry and kicked with his other leg, trying to make it let go of him. Once it did, it looked him dead in the eye once more and made another move_ _forward_ _, but this time Felix was ready. He lifted the gun in a quick movement, and without hesitating, pulled the trigger. He watched the body slump_ _in front_ _of him, and pulled himself away, curling up in a ball and letting the tears fall, his entire body shaking as sobs ripped from him. It was too late._  

 

Changbin exited the bathroom and noticed Felix by the mirror in the bedroom, walking over to him and wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist from behind, hooking his chin on his shoulder and looking into his eyes through the mirror. “Are you sure everything is ok?” He asks softly, eyes filled with worry. Felix smiles at him through the mirror, before turning around in his grasp. “I’m fine Binnie, I promise.” The younger presses a kiss to his nose, and Changbin feels his heart race a bit. The love he felt for this boy was taking over his whole being, Felix being almost all that’s on his mind, despite their lives. “I love you.” He whispers into the air between them, but what confuses him the most is the strange emotion that flashed in Felix’s eyes and the way his body tensed. Changbin was about to speak up when Felix returned to normal, as if nothing happened. “I love you too Bin.” But Changbin doesn’t miss the emotion in his voice as he spoke those words.  _If only he knew._  

 

__________________________ 

 

The next day, the two were huddled on the couch, watching a random movie they found lying around the apartment. Felix had his hand resting on Changbin’s chest, while the older boy’s arm was around Felix’s shoulders. Felix was hardly paying attention to the screen, instead his full attention was on the boy he was leaning against. He knew that nothing could stop what was happening to him, and the worst part was that he didn’t know how long he had left, so he intended to spend it all with the love of his life. Not like he really had any other choice even if he wanted. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander back to the day the older boy had asked him out, it was one of his happiest moments of life. 

 

_Felix was on his way to meet_ _Changbin_ _at a small nearby café. The two of them had been introduced by a mutual friend, and they immediately hit it off. They_ _became_ _inseparable_ _,_ _attached_ _at the heel, and deep down they were growing feelings, but neither had admitted it to the other yet. Felix pushed open the door and entered the café, greeted by the warm air that smelled of coffee and chocolate. He looked around before noticing_ _Changbin_ _, approaching the older and sitting_ _opposite_ _him. They met eyes over the table and Felix noticed how nervous_ _Changbin_ _seemed. “Everything okay_ _hyung_ _?” He asked._ _Changbin_ _rolled his eyes and reached over to flick Felix’s arm. “I told you not to call me_ _hyung_ _, Lix.” He says in teasing tone. “But_ _yes,_ _I'm fine. Infact_ _there’s_ _something I wanted to ask you.” The older boy says. Felix nodded his head and rested his chin on his palm, elbow on the table, and not breaking eye contact._  

 

_Changbin_ _felt his nerves getting the better of him again, but he was definitely going to confess this time. He’d backed out so many times, and all their friends wouldn’t stop teasing him._ _Jisung_ _had even approached him and told him he really had nothing to worry about._ _So_ _with that thought in his head, he smiled warmly at Felix. “W-well you see, I’ve liked you for a while now Lix, and uhm, I wanted to know if you possibly wanted to go out on a date sometime?” He was impressed that he only stuttered once at the beginning, and swallowed nervously as he waited for a response. “Isn’t this already a date though Binnie?” The younger said and caught him_ _completely_ _off guard, his cheeks heating up again. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. “I guess so, then in that case will you be mine?” His voice was now a little more confident, reaching across the table to hold onto Felix’s hands. “_ _Of course_ _I will Binnie~” And_ _Changbin_ _had never been happier to hear those words coming from the_ _youngers mouth._  

 

_Felix felt warm. He was happy, so, so happy to officially be_ _Changbin’s_ _. Felix had fallen for the boy almost immediately, and was always willing to do anything to see his smile. They ordered their drinks and a cake to share, Felix insisting on feeding_ _Changbin_ _. Felix thought they could last for a long time. Maybe not forever, because forever was a long shot, but oh how short their relationship really would be. Neither of them had expected this outcome. No one would even dream of it._  

 

Felix was snapped out of his thoughts when Changbin shifted beside him, realising the movie had finished. He had been zoned out for so long he wonders if the older boy thought he was asleep. “Let’s have some lunch Lix.” Changbin had said. Felix nodded his head and went to stand up, when all of a sudden, his vision blurred, causing him stumble and drop to his hands and knees, an overwhelming pain spreading through his body. He let out a cry and lifted one of his hands to grip at his shirt over his heart, tears rolling down his cheeks. He could barely feel the older boy’s hands on him, and his words were muffled as Felix’s body was shutting down. He wasn’t ready to die, it was too early. Felix’s head was pounding and he was losing felling in his body. And then he blacked out and the pain was gone. 

 

To say Changbin was worried was an understatement. Something was definitely wrong with Felix. The boy had just passed out in their living room after screaming in pain from something he didn’t know about. Changbin had carried Felix to the bedroom and hadn’t left his side since. He wasn’t even sure Felix would wake up. He touched the youngers forehead and noticed he was burning up, so he left the room to get a towel, wetting it in cold water before bringing it back to felix, placing it over his forehead. That’s when Changbin noticed it. Felix hadn’t put any make-up on that morning, and he realised the boy was extremely pale. Changbin thought that maybe it had something to do with what happened to Felix earlier, but he had no idea what. He had been with him 24/7, so he couldn’t have been bitten. But then Changbin remembered the day they had gone to get food, and how Felix had gone into the store alone. Changbin didn’t even want to think about the possibility... but what if it was real. What if Felix was bitten. What if Jisung had killed Felix. 

 

__________________________ 

 

Felix woke up and his head was still pounding. He felt weak and drained of any energy, and he was terrified to face Changbin. He slowly opened his eyes, feeling a little disorientated before realising he was in bed. He looked to his left and noticed Changbin was asleep in a chair, leaning onto the bed, but had their hands intertwined. He squeezed the boy’s hand and saw how Changbin stirred a little, before lifting his head to meet Felix’s eyes. Felix tried to keep the emotions out of his eyes, but he knew Changbin could see them. He just knew him too well. “Lix what happened... Just now... and back when you were in the store... what happened?” Felix didn’t miss the fear and worry in Changbin’s voice, or the way his voice shook. He was so scared to hurt him. All he wanted was for Changbin to be happy, yet here he was about to break the boy’s heart. Felix took a deep breath to try calm down, but his eyes were stinging and he knew he was going to cry. “W-well Binnie... J-Jisung... he uhm, well I hesitated... When I first saw him, I didn’t think he would try to kill me, because it was Jisung... my best friend... but I was wrong... the moment I hesitated he... He b-” Felix had to cut himself off to try get himself under control. With tears streaming down his face he met Changbin’s eyes again, and whispered so quietly he wasn’t even sure the older boy could hear him. “He bit me.” 

 

It was at that moment that Changbin’s life fell apart. All his dreams of a future with Felix, seemed to burn away, leaving him with nothing but ashes. Felix was dying. His Felix, the most important person to him, the one who had been by his side since the day they met, would be leaving him. Changbin would be alone in this broken world. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want Felix to die. He stared at the younger for a long moment as his thoughts were going crazy, before he broke. The tears started falling from his face and he reached forwards, wrapping his arms around the younger as his entire body shook from his violent sobs. He felt Felix’s arms wrap around his waist, and they sat there crying and holding each other until they had no tears left to shed. “I’m sorry.” Felix says after a bit and Changbin pulls back to look at him, cupping his cheeks in his hands and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Why are you saying sorry?” He asks softly. Felix then looks into his eyes and frowns at him. “Because I didn’t tell you... I just didn’t want to believe it myself and I didn’t want to hurt you...” Changbin felt his heart break at his words, because this was real. Neither of them knew how long Felix had and they were scared. Neither of them really spoke for the next hour, only lying together and enjoying each other’s company while they still could.  

 

The two only end up getting out of bed when Felix’s stomach rumbled, as they hadn’t eaten earlier due to Felix passing out. He still felt a little dizzy when standing up, but managed to make it to the kitchen without falling, Changbin walking close beside him just in case. Felix sat at the bench while the older boy made them some ramen for lunch, holding his head in his hands as his headache wasn’t going away anytime soon. He guessed this meant he didn’t have a lot of time left, and he wondered what to do. He considered killing himself, but he knew he would never be able to do that. Should he run away? No, he wanted his last moments to be with Changbin. But what if he turned and hurt him? His head only started hurting more from all this thinking.  

 

Felix looked up as he heard the food being placed on the table, smiling gratefully towards Changbin as he started eating. Only he didn’t know his body was already starting to reject normal food. He was half way through his meal when he felt it starting to come back up. He shot out of his seat and rushed to the bathroom, making it seconds before his knees gave in and he collapsed to the floor near the toilet, heaving himself up a bit as he vomited into it. Changbin was there moments later, soothingly rubbing his back as his food came back up. Once Felix had stopped vomiting, he felt tears welling up in his eyes due to frustration at his own body. “It hurts Binnie. It hurts so much, I just want it to stop.” He says, voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Felix wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, attempting to stand up but almost falling again if it weren’t for Changbin who caught him. “Take it easy Lix, I’m here for you.” He hears the older boy say, which just causes the tears to fall, and a strange anger to rise. “Why?! Why are you still here?! You should just leave! I’m dying Changbin, yet here you are acting as if everything is ok and it’s not! Nothing is okay! I’m not okay! And you’re not okay! I don’t want to hurt you! Can’t you understand that!” Felix yelled at the older boy, glaring angrily with his fist clenched in Changbin’s shirt. He hadn’t even realised he had grabbed ahold of him.  

 

“Because I love you, Lee Felix, and I always will no matter what.” Was Changbin’s response to the younger, lifting his hand to place over Felix’s clenched fist. He could immediately see the anger leaving his eyes, but he noticed how dull they also looked. “I-I’m sorry Bin...” Felix said to him, shaking his head and limping out of the room. Changbin let a tear roll down his cheek once Felix left. He was losing him, much quicker than he had hoped.  

 

Felix left the bathroom and headed straight to the living room, sitting on the couch and staring at the blank tv screen, seeing his reflection in it. He looked horrible. After about five minutes, he heard footsteps approaching him and turned his head to see Changbin. The older smiled at him and held his hand out. “Let’s go rest in the bedroom yea?” He says softly and Felix can’t help but smile, taking his hand and letting him pull him up. They walk to the bedroom with their hands intertwined, and Felix knew his hands were probably cold, due to his body dying, but if Changbin didn’t mind, neither did he. They curled up in the bed together, and Felix couldn’t help but think it reminded him of the day before everything went wrong. “I love you too Binnie.” Felix said softly, looking into Changbin’s eyes. “E-even when I’m gone, I’ll continue to love you, but I don’t want to become one of them... I want to end peacefully. And I want you to kill me.” Felix had been thinking about this for a bit, and this was the only way he wanted it to be. He felt Changbin’s body tense a little, and saw the pain in his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to Lixie...” Changbin says to him, and he understands. “But I want you to try, I don’t want you to see me as one of those... undead.” Felix says and lies his head on Changbin’s shoulder, feeling incredibly tired. He isn’t sure if he dreamed it or if Changbin said it, but as he drifted to sleep, he heard “Okay, for you.” 

 

__________________________ 

 

When Felix woke up, he knew something was wrong. He couldn’t feel his legs. He desperately tried to move them but came up with nothing. A frustrated whimper left his lips and he stopped trying. “Felix? Is everything okay?” He heard Changbin’s voice and looked up at him. “N-no, I can’t feel my legs.” He replies with a frown. “It’s too fast Binnie... I’m not ready to die... I... I wanted to live my life out, I wanted to die when we were older, and I wanted to adopt a kid or two. I wanted to marry you, because you’re the love of my life Bin. I just... wanted more time with you.” Felix tries to hold back his tears this time, having cried too much in the last couple days. “I would marry you. Of course I would, I’d be stupid not to. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met Lix, and I’m so glad to have had you in my life. You will always be my everything.” Changbin says as he sits up, helping Felix do the same. They knew their time was almost out, and they knew today was their last day together. Felix pulls out a gun from underneath his pillow and places it in Changbin’s hands. “For when the time comes.” Is all he says. He sees Changbin nod with a frown and place the gun beside him.  

 

Felix tries not to think about how sick he felt, or how he was struggling to even move his arms now. He cherished the warmth Changbin was radiating, as his body kept getting colder and colder. When Changbin got out of bed and lifted him up, he weakly wrapped his arms around his neck. The older boy carried them out to the kitchen where he placed him at the bench. “How about we write a little something for each other?” Changbin suggested and Felix nodded his head. “That’s a good idea Binnie, when did you get so smart~?” He teases him as he places some paper in front of him. Changbin only flicked his arm in retaliation, mumbling “Shut up.” Felix looked down at the paper at frowned. He could write so much, but he really didn’t know where to start. He decided on just making it up as he went. 

 

_‘Dear_ _Changbinnie_ _,_  

_There are so many things I want to say to you, but I’m_ _gonna_ _start off with the most important. I’m so, so madly in love with you_ _. Did you know that just the thought of leaving you behind tears me to_ _shreds?_ _But in saying that I don’t want you to follow after me. I want you to live, Binnie, live for me. Live the life we wanted to have together, find someone to give you kids, find someone to make you forget about me. I don’t want to be the reason you’re breaking, I want to be the reason you smiled._ _So_ _make sure you keep smiling for me, okay Bin? Because even though I won’t be able to smile anymore, you will one day. Because I believe in you. You’re strong, and I know you can survive this_ _apocalypse. Y_ _our life will get better the moment everything is okay. Because I believe it will be. This can’t last forever. Someone out there will be looking for a cure, and when they find it, your life will be okay._ _So_ _keep on living and see that day for both of us. Live as if_ _I'm_ _still by your side if you need, but please, please Binnie don’t beat yourself up. None of this was your fault, it was all mine. I wasn’t careful enough, and it ended up getting me killed._ _So_ _please, I beg you Bin, move on. Be happy again, that’s my final wish. For you to find happiness._  

_Lots of love,_  

_Your Felix ♡’_  

 

Changbin looked over as Felix started writing, taking a moment to just watch him. But the longer he looked, the worse Felix seemed to look. There was no colour left in his eyes, and his skin was almost as white as a ghost. The once vibrant and happy looking boy was now dull and sad, and all Changbin could do was watch as he got worse and worse. He felt hopeless. It was then he started writing.  

 

_‘Dear_ _Lixie_ _,_  

_I can’t help but wish we had more time together. I never even once thought it could end like this, it’s only something that happens in_ _movies,_ _right? Well I guess not, because_ _I'm_ _losing you, and this isn’t a movie. I wish you would turn around and tell me this was all some kind of joke, that you’re really okay and that this_ _apocalypse_ _was some kind of set up. But I know you’re not smart enough to come up with something this big, and have the whole of Korea involved. You’re smart, but not that smart. What am I_ _gonna_ _do Lix? Without you by my side, how can I go on? I don’t want to live in a world without you. How can I stay bright and happy if my sunshine gets taken away? Why did this happen to you? The most beautiful, caring and loving person on this planet, was set to a fate like this. If only I could take your place, just so you can live. I don’t know what to do... my heart hurts Lix, it hurts so bad. I don’t want to kill you... but I don’t want you to turn... I want your last moments to be you in control, Lix. Because I know that’s what you want, so how could I say no? I'm scared, so_ _so_ _scared. The moment I pull the trigger is the moment my life will end too. Because you are my life. My everything. All I can say, is that I hope you will be at peace. I love you, Lee_ _Felix_ _, and I will for the rest of my life. I will never, forget you. That’s a promise._  

_Love_ _Changbin_ _._ _’_  

 

When Changbin put his pen down and looked up at Felix once again, it was as if time froze. He was met with eyes that were lifeless. For a second, he thought it was too late, that Felix was gone, but Felix hadn’t made a move to attack him. “L-Lix?” He says barely above a whisper, his voice shaky. Felix meets his eyes then and lets a tear roll down his cheek. “Can you move me to the couch?” He asks Changbin, and he does just that, gently lifting Felix and carrying him to the couch. Changbin sits in front of the other, holding his gaze. Felix hands Changbin the paper he just wrote on, his fingers shaky. “I want you to read this when I’m gone, okay?” He says and Changbin nods, taking Felix’s cold hands in his own. “What’s wrong?” Is all Changbin can manage to say to him. Felix looks down for a moment, sniffling before pointing to Changbin’s pocket with the gun. “I’m turning Bin, I'm losing my sanity, I can’t think straight and my entire body hurts... I can feel the anger boiling over inside me... I’m going to snap Binnie... please.”  

 

Changbin knew this moment would come, yet he could never have prepared for it. With shaky hands, he pulls away from Felix and takes the gun from his pocket, holding it in his hands and just staring at it. He’d never been so scared to look at a gun in his life. When a hand came into his vision and rested on top of the gun, he lifted his teary gaze to Felix, his heart shattering in his chest. The boy was also crying, and Changbin didn’t think he could do this, yet Felix seemed to read his thoughts. “You can do it Bin, I know you can. J-Just pretend... pretend you’re putting me to sleep yea?” Changbin can hear the emotion in the younger’s voice. All Changbin could do was nod numbly, lifting the gun in his unsteady hands, having to lower it again as he was crying too much. Felix reached forwards and cupped Changbin’s cheek. “One more kiss?” He says so unsurely and Changbin only cries harder, leaning forwards and connecting their lips in a gentle, yet passionate kiss. Their last kiss. The older boy pulled away from the kiss, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you.” Is all he says, before pulling away. He slowly raises the gun and holds it to Felix’s forehead, tears still streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you Changbin. For everything. I love you too.” And Changbin closes his eyes, his heart seeming to shatter even more. His chest aches, and he doesn’t even think he’s felt this kind of pain before. But he needs to do this. Felix needs him to do this. With one last deep breath, he squeezes the trigger.

**Author's Note:**

> Well i hope you enjoyed it (or hated it, depends). Again this was my first fanfic so i apologise if it wasn't that great.  
> Thanks for taking your time to read.


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